Monthly Archives

June 2016

Sisterhood

United As Sisters.

Sister.
noun
a girl or woman who has the same parents as another person.
a girl or woman who treats you in the kind way that a sister would.
a woman who shares an interest with you, especially that of improving women’s rights.

It was just after 10pm on a Friday night and after having successfully put our little bambino to sleep I was just lounging watching some mind-numbing reality TV shows. You know the ones where they portray black women as being loud and obnoxious women who just shop, eat, drink then shout and fight. You know the ones.
Anyway, I was really relaxing when my phone started to vibrate indicating that a call was coming through. A call from my brother’s girlfriend.

Being a first generation immigrant late night phone calls are never a good thing. Often it’s bad news that this person has died, this person is about to die etc. So you can probably understand my hesitation to take the call.

No lie, I am notorious for screening calls – so as my phone flashed hubby was screaming to me “Pick it up, pick it up!”. As I watched the phone call go to voice mail curiosity suddenly got the better of me. I wondered what it was that she was calling me for – especially at that time of night.

Not sure what was going on I texted her, “Sorry, I missed your call – are you guys ok?” She responded, “We are fine – can you talk?”. As I finished reading the sentence, I could see that she was now trying to face time me. I panicked but still managed to accept the face time request. Not sure what she was going to say, I took the call in the other room.

As soon as I answered I heard a loud scream. I am like ah, Hello? She was on the other end of the phone literally losing her shit. My heart at this point was pretty much beating out of my chest – I wondered – Is she high? Is she drunk? What the hell is going on? With the ear piercing screams in the background I managed to utter, ‘talk to me, what going on”. She proceeds to yell, I AM ENGAGED!

I just about dropped to the floor with excitement. My brother sure knows how to surprise all of us – and what a wonderful surprise too. Once I gained composure I asked to see the ring (which was gorgeous) and wanted to know every detail of how my brother proposed (all so romantic). He did us proudly and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for being such a wuss to pick up the phone call in the first place.

With that call, we welcomed another daughter into the family. I was buzzing with the news. They had been dating for ages and it was now all going to be official. Plus I have always wanted a sister and our man or lady above blessed us once more.

Which lead me to think about how she must be feeling about joining our family. I have heard horrible stories from women who are married and their in-laws treat them badly. From verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Members of the family boldly stating the chosen bride were not good enough for their son. Some daughter in laws has even had relatives attempt to sabotage things, by being difficult and rude just to frustrate the bride and cause issues in the marriage. No one wants to be that person reporting to the husband that your family did this to me, your family did that to me – I can completely understand that. In researching this blog post I feel so privileged that women from different backgrounds were able to feel so comfortable with me to really keep it real. No sugar coating.

After hearing horror stories from married women and very few kumbaya moments – I can never really understand why people would go to such great lengths to inflict pain and hurt to another person. Whatever happened to, as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them?

Whilst the bride/wife may not say anything to the in-laws it could all lead to a disastrous outcome. One where the relatives are the ones that can really lose out. People forget about the fruit of the loins that are to come from their son’s union. Worst case scenario may mean that the children only-only see his side of the family a handful of times, if at all – because of the mistreatment of the mother. Mother bear protecting her cubs. These are things people need to think about because ideally, the child should have the pleasure of knowing and experiencing both sides of their parents family.

This is something I never want my new sister in law to experience. We welcome her with open arms. In fact,= the traditional wedding is due to take place later this year. I know they both visit this site on the regular and probably reading this and thinking why is she putting our business out there – but I am so happy for them that I wanted to share the story.

I wanted to end this post with these words that I find myself coming back to time and time again, “The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as you both shall live.” – Fawn Weaver.

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My Life

Serenity Now…

Sometimes between nappy changes and baby tantrums I fantasize about running away and joining a circus – you know try something new.

Laugh it’s allowed. Your dealing with a sleep deprived mama. I’ve heard it’s good to fantasize. Serenity now. You know it keeps you sane before you snap back to reality. Insanity later.

I coulda, shoulda, woulda blogged but I have been finding it hard to balance mama time and IamTinashe time of late. Some days it can get to midday and I am like sh*t I haven’t eaten. I am telling you I have barely had time to scratch myself.

But you know as followers of this blog, tales of my incompetence do not interest you. I get it, I get it.

Right now its just after midday and I am lying on the couch – I am yet to shower, my hair looks like a crows nest and I am still in my pajamas – morning breath is real. This is not everyday life. This is just today.

The baby is stubborn like her mama and has finally decided to take her afternoon nap. To be honest I couldn’t be happier for her and for me.

Normally when the baby is sleeping I use this time to work out on the cross trainer, sneak around the house whilst cleaning and have a shower. The shower has become my refuge. A place I can get it together and armour up to face the challenges and joys of motherhood. Serenity now.

Today though I have no energy. This mama is knackered. I am just happy to lay on the couch, watch whatever is on TV and enjoy my rooibos tea – which really should be a vodka on the rocks – but you know I am breastfeeding. The time will come, the time will come I keep telling myself. Serenity now.

Its funny, now that I am a mama I never realized how in the past I had the time just to do nothing. These days time spent doing nothing does not exist – unless I am sleeping – which technically doesn’t count because it’s still doing something for my future benefit. Any spare moment I have I cook, clean, exercise, laundry – the list is endless. This is adulting at its best. Is this me?

People give stay at home mothers a hard time – asking what it is that they do. Well those people clearly haven’t spent a day in those womens’ shoes. Its not all day time TV and lunch catch up with friends – let me tell you! I personally give a standing ovation to women that choose to be a stay at home mum – hardest job in the world. Yes I am still clapping for them – because lord knows I am not built for that.

Having now experienced both lives, I think going to work is easier. When you go to work, you know what to expect good or bad. At home there can be many highs (the unconditional love, play time, endless cuddles, giggling fits, playing dress up and wearing adorable outfits, learning to crawl etc) and lows (cleaning up explosive poo, peeing when you are mid way changing their diaper, refusing to eat or sleep when you know they are hungry or tired).

Laugh its allowed. No really laugh – because sometimes if you don’t laugh you will cry. No one has time for that.

I realise that when you started reading this you may have been thinking “damn she is in dark space”. Don’t worry, I am fine. I am one of those people that writes things down as a coping mechanism helps me to see things in black and white, think it through and decide on the next course of action – better out than in I say. When I wrote this, I just happened to be having one of those days. I thought long and hard about wether I should share this. In the end I decided stuff it – anyone who is a mother knows the feeling. Anyone who is aspiring to be a mother needs to know there will be days like this.

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Faux Fur Coat – Asos, Ramones Tee – Supre, Jeans – Asos, Boots – Wittner